Aiights. I think people hate me now.
I don't know why. Probably bkoz of my insecurity, bitchinggs, straightforwardness, irritatingness. So I decided to do some public self-reflections today.
I think I'm really bad to my mom. Koz I always shout at her & all. She has 60 men under her at the SAF & has to wake up REAL early everyday to fix breakfast for my brother & I; which we thank her by sleeping longer. Then she has to take some transport to Changi where she works (which takes 1hr, mind you). Then she has to call & sms some of her stupid colleagues then has to "clear" them koz they have "fever", "headache", "family problem" or even "my son is sick" when they have a blardy maid at home. Then she comes home at like 7pm, to find her daughter's table full of junkfood, son's computer table full of cds strewn everywhere. So she does her daily chores. If I were her, I would be really mad. Esp her daughter. 13YO alr & still dont wanna help her in the house. Plus all my disciplinary records; scolding FUCK twice, selling donation cards illegally, having a bf at 11, throwing things at her teacher plus shouting at her 'cher. So jialat. (But at least I know when to stop!) & then when her daughter talks on the phone, which she thinks its pure waste of money, her daughter talks back EVERY sentence she says then when she calls her son he'll be like "WHAT LARH." Sucks to be my mom right? Kay. So from now onwards I'll be nicer to her.
But I don't think I'll be nicer to carhole & my dad.
For people who don't know, carhole's my doggie. [:
Then we have my insecurity. I find it real irritating to be my friend. Every minute I'll go "Is my hair okay like that?" & then my friend will say "Yeh, nice nice." Then I'll mess my hair a little here & there & ask again. So, I'M SORRY DREY, AC, NAT & EUNICE! They are the BESTEST buds mann.
Next we have my bitchings. Last night I was talking to Rachael larh. & I confessed how much she means to me. haha. Mainly koz I realised how pathetic I am without someone to bitch FULLY to. She's really a goood friend. Yep. I think she's beginning to sound like MEH. Hahaha. Koz when we have a bitch target, she'll go "Siao larh he" "WHAT THE EFF?! bastard" THAT'S SO ME. lol kay.
She also pointed out another bad point in me. EASY IDOLIZING. If there's sucha phrase, yeh. I do that quite often. & iunno why kay. Seriously, they sometimes are soo pretty I'll be like damn envious. (Insecurity, again)
&, my low self esteem. I don't know what is that; *checks dictionary* OOHH! Pride in one-self. HUUUUH?! Okay larh. I don't think I'm pretty this & that. But I know I ain't a pushover like Rachael.
HAHAAHAAHAASDFGJKUYT!
PLUSPLUS, my straightforwardness. Haha, I think so too.
I think all these made me so awkward now. Its like I can't even define what kinda person I am now. & I always hesitate what to say to people, except Rachael. Like on MSN, I want to talk to this guy, but I don't know what to say. I like talking to him; but when he says something its like theres no enthu in it. So I keep wondering whats up with me. Why am I like that? Last time I was able to hold out a goood conv with almost everyone; I could say everything I want. But now, I keep thinking what to say. Its like in my mind, its SO PURRFECTO! But when it comes out, it doesn't sound exactly like what I thought it would be. Then I'll backspace everything. & my friends; they're so weird. All being formal with me. Issit me, or issit them? I keep wondering it must be me. Then all the questions pop up again.
I feel like I've lost all my confidence. I don't think I look good in this & that. But one thing that din mattered to me; my results. I'm still so calm about it. Like Jennifer has THREE A1s & I? ONE. Gta buck up yarh. Haha, talkin' bout it, I'm worrying alr.
& someone just whatever-ed me. & I trusted that person okay! I don't think I should trust people. One by one they betray me. Except Rachael. She's gained a lot of trust from me. So you see, I don't have any best friends. & am considering putting Rachael on the list. I don't know. But that doesnt mean I have doubt in you, Rachael. Just.. Iunno. But, thanks, thanks for everything, yarh? OH but pleease; don't cry rachie.
[[[:
I know its long. If you managed to read till this sentence; TELL ME. I'll give you a sweet! hahaha
1:50 PM
